WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND SISTER???

 

منذ ‏١٢‏ سنة

Quran The Final Testament

30 أغسطس 2012  · 

‏‎SALAM PEACE Foundation‎‏ مع ‏‎Bint Mohammed‎‏ و‏

‏٢٨‏ آخرين

‏.

29 أغسطس 2012  · 

WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND SISTER???

A muslimah (muslim sister) was asked the question by a non muslim: "Why don't you have a boyfriend?

She replied with confidence: "you tell me: why would I have a bf?"

I guess you have no answer for my question, but I have answers for yours :

Firstly: I am a believer, I can’t do what displease my Creator, Allaah has ordered me not to to take a bf so I should obey Allaah.

Allaah says in Qur’an: “..nor those who take [secret] lovers."(surat Al-Nisa-25)

Secondly: I am a daughter of a man who raised me to be a chaste woman, I am a sister of a man who is proud of my purity, so I don’t want to disappoint them, and most of all I don’t want to disappoint a third man who is my future husband and the father of my children Inshah Allaah, because I am preserving myself for him only.

My mom raised me to be a righteous woman so that I deserve a righteous man she never raised me to be a toy in any boy’s hand, but she raised me to complete the Deen of a pious man.

Also, I am not an easy girl who would be impressed with sweet love words, but I am a proud Muslimah who is just like a pearl in its shell no one can touch it but a brave man who would value it and cherish its beauty... Hence ONLY when nikkah (muslim marriage) has been performed can he see me.

A happy couple who’ve been going steady for two years was asked when they getting married? They laughed, thinking that was a big joke. ‘Married? We too young for that, they proclaimed,’ as if the thought itself was unfathomable. But they were really in love they said… How come they scoff at the thought of marriage? Isn’t that supposed to be the ultimate step of a relationship?

This was followed by a flood of excuses, reasons and plain ridiculous statements by them and a number of other people spoken to. We can’t afford to get married yet. We not ready for that. We’re too young. We’re not THAT serious yet. This is just a little ting we’re trying out…

And the BEST of the BEST…

‘Who wants to get married, we do everything a married couple does, we don’t want to restrict our love with such a meaningless ceremony; we want it to be unchained and pure!’

***Shakes My Head***

True love and total commitment… we all preach that we believe in such things… but the fact is… Marriage has been replaced by the more popular ‘temporary relationships’. Subhan Allaah, It can be presumed that relationships before marriage sometimes makes the transition to permanent relationship status easier… but in all honesty a relationship before marriage does NOT guarantee that two people will get married. Nor does it guarantee a lasting and blissful marriage. These are fairytales given to us in book and television and radio. Eventually we must all grow up if we want to get anywhere in life… and after life. Most of us don’t realize that…

A comparison the advantages and disadvantages of relationships before marriage…

Advantages

1. A relationship before marriage MIGHT secure a happy future

2. It MIGHT help you find your life partner

Disadvantages

1. Being in a relationship means that if it doesn’t work, you may move from person to person until you find one you ‘click’ with. This can give you a questionable reputation, at worst… as a player or a slut, and these namesakes usually stay with you for a very long time.

2. A relationship gives no real room for growth in love. It effectively sets limits and levels. Example, hugging means you’re just friends, kissing on the cheek means you like each other, kissing on the lips and holding hands means you’re ‘officially a couple’, heavy petting means you’re getting serious… and finally sex is the ultimate expression of your love. Sounds bland and predictable huh? Yet this is every giddy schoolgirl’s dream of the perfect love.

3. A relationship without the strength of marriage behind it leaves a person with no restrictions… giving their minds a wide access of acts they can now perform without guilt or worry of repercussions. Two Timing, Sex before Marriage, Multiple Relationships (Possibly Multiple Sexual Relationships)… the list goes on and on...

In all honesty… One can not say that there is much of a difference between getting married immediately, and getting married after a serious relationship. In both cases it might not work out, this is true. In both cases people may cheat, hurt and depress each other, this is also true… But that in itself is my point, that a relationship has NO serious impact on the strength and longevity of a marriage WHATSOEVER. It does however give you the temptation to misbehave, have pre-marital sex, have children outside marriage, and have multiple sexual and non-sexual partners before ‘settling down’. The list of sins that can be obtained goes on and on…

From this point in the lesson, most non-Muslims can find a hundred different things to debate most of these points for sure. And one can also be sure they would be all from a non Muslim perspective, so from here let us stick mainly to the Islamic crowd, but feel free to continue reading and it is hoped these words thus far and what has will now be said may guide everyone in some small way Inshah Allaah…

A further break down… (Islamic Law)

1. Marriage is "mithaq" - a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter which can be taken lightly. It should be entered into with total commitment and full knowledge of what it involves. It is not like buying a new dress where you can exchange it if you don't like it. Your partner should be your choice for life. One should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one.

2. The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "taqwa" (piety). The prophet (peace be upon him) recommended the suitors see each other before going through with marriage. It is unreasonable for two people to be thrown together and be expected to relate and be intimate when they know nothing of each other. The couple is permitted to look at each other with a critical eye and NOT a lustful one. This ruling does not contradict the ayah which says that believing men and women should lower their gaze.

- The couple, however ARE NOT permitted to be alone in a closed room or go out together alone. Umar related that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative (mahram)" (Bukhari/Muslim) [A mahram only needs accompany the woman, and must be a close male relative such as her father or brother or her father/mother’s brother.]

- There is NO concept of courtship in Islam as it is practiced in the west. There is no dating or living in defacto relationship or ‘trying each other out’ before they commit to each other seriously. There is to be no physical relationship what so ever before marriage. The romantic notions that young people often have are proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. One only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the west to understand this point. E.g. the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not equal an everlasting bond between two people.

Fact: Romance and love die out very quickly when one have to deal with the real world. The unrealistic expectations that young people have are what often contribute to the failure of their relationship.

- The west make fun of the Islamic way of marriage in particular arranged marriage, yet the irony is that statistically arranged marriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types of courtship. This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do not choose the compatible partner.

PS* It should be noted here, that unlike most Hindu arranged marriages, an arranged marriage in Islam MUST have the consensual agreement of both the male AND female to proceed).

Love blinds people to potential problems in the relationship. There is an Arabic saying: which says, "the mirror of love is blind, it makes zucchini into okra". Arranged marriages on the other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. This is why they often proven successful…

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